I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
