you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
