Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
When did angry sex become our thing?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize