you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
