My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
