If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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