you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
