Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
