physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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