my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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