I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
