with your own penis?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
