My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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