Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
