Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
