definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
