My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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