it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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