Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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