yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
