.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
