Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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