this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just pee around me
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
