R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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