I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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