Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
