shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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