I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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