party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
