Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
