is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
