Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
