Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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