I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
