i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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