you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
