If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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