I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
