Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
