I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
