I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
