I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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