i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize