she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
