I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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