I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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