He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
