So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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