I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
