P.S. I can't hear my feet
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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