I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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