Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
