I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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