i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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