just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
