Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
