Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I am full of burrito and curiosity
worst night to have a conscience
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize