You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
