he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
