You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
