you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I have post one night stand depression
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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