Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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