I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
