yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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