We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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