Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
