Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
