All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
