nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
