Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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