@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize