Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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