we have officially lost it.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
