Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
