when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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