I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
only if we run a train.
done.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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