I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
