I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
