maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I would ride that face into the sunset
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
