Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
