CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
