and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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