so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
