we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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