you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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