my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
