Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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