Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
