The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
