So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
