She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
