i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
