you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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