I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
