I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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