I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize