Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
