I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How does one acquire holy water?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
