But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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