The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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