So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
