Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
