Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
