that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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