drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
