i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
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