I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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