Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
