I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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