Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
