can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
