nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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