you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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