Your face is a jimmy john
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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