Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize