3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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